Starting anything can feel like an explosion of emotion. Scary, exciting, relieving, daunting, empowering or soul crushing. These feelings are not mutually exclusive either. We have the capacity to feel numerous emotions all at once. It is, however, those feelings that leave little stamps on the milestones and moments of our lives. Sometimes you get a smiley face stamp, sometimes “You’re a Star” and others there is that “Keep Trying” stamp.

When my Husband and I began trying for a baby it was going to be simple. Stop using contraceptive and BAM we would be pregnant right? Well that is why I diligently took the pill every day for  over 10 years. We were not desperate for children, when it happened it happened. Well that theory was good for the first five months of trying. Thankfully my thirst for knowledge (and mild panic that somehow I must be doing something wrong) led me to some research and information. Armed with this knowledge and some “tools” we got that ever anticipated “second line”. Relief and excitement were plastered all over our faces. We were going to be parents. As it turns out, when it came to conception we were one of the lucky couples. Oh how we learn the hard facts of life on this EPIC journey of parenthood. The thing was we had absolutely no idea just how hard those facts were and we were even more vague on the harsh reality that was learning those lessons.

Like a lot of couples (sans children) we thought we had all the answers. We knew how we would raise our little cherubs. We knew exactly that they would undoubtedly do exactly as they were told when they were told. We knew that they would have impeccable manners; they would be a little bit clever and maybe reach a milestone or two a little early. We pretty much knew what we were signing up for.   It turns out the fairyland contract we were planning to sign did not exist. In fact instead of an orderly business contract where parties are all versed in expectations and limitation, we had just purchased two non-refundable tickets to the scariest, most exhilarating and completely amazing “hold onto your pants” circus event there is. Our darling little Jelly Bean had a script she had written all on her own and we were simply the purring kittens waiting to be petted.

I was planning to do everything during my pregnancy and I did. I was perfectly healthy. I was working and teaching ballet part time. People would ask how I did it all. My mental response “Are you kidding? It is not that hard. You find energy and time for that which you want to do”.  What were so many people complaining about? Pregnancy was easy. A couple of days of threatened morning sickness and I was blitzing pregnancy. So smug was I that we booked a two week trip to New Zealand. We had planned a big trip, to China, Canada, America and New Zealand on the way home. I decided that was a little luxurious considering Jelly Bean was on his/her way soon. So with 10 weeks to go I booked in a glacial walk and some other lovely side trips and we jumped on the plane.

 Pregnancy was super fun! A Babymoon! What a terrific excuse for a trip, not that we ever needed one but hey if there was a legitimate one I was using it. New Zealand bound, completely oblivious to the discoveries I was about to make about myself and my Husband (Captain Happy we will call him).

My Own Mummy.