Let’s start with a little history ,,,,,,

My husband and I got married in September last year, the day was everything I had imagined and more. We honeymooned in Fiji and spent the week in wedded bliss.  Not long after we had returned I realised that I was pregnant ( 3 home tests and a visit to the GP confirmed it). I told my husband who was elated.  I on the other hand, was in shock! Complete and utter shock! We had planned to have children, but not so soon; I had recently started a new job, we only had one car, and I was not sure that I was ready to be a mum and I had only just become a wife after all.

So during the pregnancy I started to embrace it, after all I had this amazing gift to be able to grow life where so many people struggle with falling pregnant and being able their carry their babies.

My pregnancy was not an easy one apparently. From the beginning I had to give myself clexane injections for a blood clot I had 5 years ago ( I still remember sitting on the edge of the bed with my hubby, crying trying to give myself this needle), then I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes (and insulin dependant, so yep another needle to poke into myself) and high blood pressure.  Being a bit over weight as well, as my baby grew I just kept feeling fatter and fatter. With all of this going on in my pregnancy I kept waiting for what I call “my beautiful butterfly moment”.  Where my skin would glow, my hair was luscious, oh and those sex crazed hormones that are meant to occur in the second trimester.  Well all I can say is that I am still waiting!!!

So that leads me to June this year when our beautiful son was born ( another shock as I thought we were having a girl, we never found out the sex). Here is this tiny person that is totally dependant on me, me a person that knows nothing about being a mum, me who is apparently meant to know what his every need is, me who is meant to have this unconditional love. Don’t get me wrong I do love my son unconditionally but staring at this tiny human I was feeling completely overwhelmed and daunted by the whole experience.

Fast forward 6 months and we have made it! We have managed to keep our son alive for a whole 6 months, I am really not sure how we have done it. After all every one will tell you that your doing things wrong! Or you should be doing it this way not that way! Not to mention your own guilt! Oh and of course there’s the books that tell you what your baby should be doing and naturally your baby does this, so with that in mind I am amazed we have made 6 months!

I have learnt so much in the past 6 months that I never knew about myself and of course babies and relationships. I’ll highlight some of them

1) I can survive with minimal sleep. I have gone from a lover of 8 + hours sleep to being excited if I get 5 hours straight!

2) unfortunately for me my son hasn’t read the books, or googled every sign and symptom so neither should I. Now more than ever I need to trust myself and my instincts.

3) to all those people that insist on giving me advice when I have not asked for it, STOP! You have raised your children, it is now my chance to raise mine and hopefully, just hopefully I will do a good enough job that he won’t need to go to years of therapy, So back off.

4) I need to relinquish control. I am now not in control of everything.  This is exceptionally hard for me and something that I am still learning to do, and will constantly evolve and learn as I go.

5) sleep deprivation does crazy things to one’s relationship. You can argue about the smallest of things, or even just a look.  Lucky for me I have a fabulous husband who is a very proactive daddy so understands where I am coming from too.  And we have strengthened our marriage through communication.

6) last of all motherhood is not a Huggies commercial. What do I mean by this?

I look at these adds that depict motherhood as this fabulous,loving,life embracing moment. Don’t get me wrong it is all of these things but not all the time. It is ok to not feel all of these things all of the time, like at 3am when your baby is screaming and won’t feed and nothing you can do will help them and the amount of frustration and fatigue you feel far out weighs the love that you feel.  The more that I acknowledge this, the better off I will be not only as a person but as a mum too.

When I was asked to write for My Own Mummy I thought what could I possibly say, well now I can’t stop writing!

The past 15 months has been the most exciting, frightening, exhilarating, scary and most amazing time in my life. I have learnt so much and continue to learn each and every day.  I take my hat off to all the parents out there now, and I have the utmost admiration now for my own mum.  Each day I need to remind myself that this is my life, my journey and I need to be kind to myself.  There is no such thing as a Huggies commercial, just life!